Hand in Han Hand

 

So early in life, I fell for the entertainment industrial complex's idea of what romance should be.  Sure, I watched closely the rocky but sweet road traveled by Han and Leia (and, prior to Return, Luke--retroactive ewwwww.)  They had major issues standing in the way of being together.  Of course, those complex issues were being described by George Lucas so we really have Carrie and Harrison to thank for letting us see more than the words allowed.  But still, the idea is that once you find that "someone" everything is X-Wing fireworks, drunk ewoks and forests free of bugs (I so wish.)  What they fail to show are the next scenes where Han, while standing solemnly next to Leia, hand in hand (hand in Han hand even) at the beautiful burial pyre of her father, lets one rip, good and loud.  I'm talking blue-flame Vader.  Luke, all farmboy even now, let's out a chuckle, but the princess shoots Han a look that, should George Lucas ever fail again to come up with a an original plot and make a movie with yet another Death Star, could easily detonate it.  She wouldn't even need that blubber-mousy mush mouth fellow Lando had with him.

So, even if previously, Han had hopes of getting into Leia's warmy, cuddly and almost certainly better smelling tauntaun that night, they have now, quite literally, went up in smoke.  And the worst part?  He would have no clue why she was so upset.  Like a right cross from a Hoth wampa, bam, down he goes, hung emotionally upside down, ankles buried deep in her icy quiet.  Arm outstretched, eyes closed, willing her to come closer.

In all fairness, I am sure some might say there is an equally large book regarding the understanding of men.  Maybe its because I am one, but I can tell you its so much simpler than that.  Any guy you will ever want to know, any guy worthy of your attention, any fella good enough to spend your very precious time with is motivated by one thing and one thing only--We want you to think we are cool.  Friend, ladyfriend, wife, co-worker, every relationship the same thing.  >90% of anything you witness us doing is to impress you.  We seek acceptance and validation.  What about the idea that men are motivated by sex?  Even the ones that are aren't.  That's a control fixation in which you are an object.  Not that sex isn't a goal in a romantic relationship type of course, its just one of the higher-level forms of the validation.  It is something I have always found to be one of the highest compliment I can receive and I never take it lightly when it is offered.  Are we men pathetic to be this hung up on you ladies?  Biased as my opinion may be, of course not.  Propagation of the species not withstanding, it creates what I consider to be a very sweet, even balance as long as not abused.

 

So the next time your Han is left hanging, grab the lightsaber of love (that sounds dirty but just go with me here) and chop away the ice, catch him in your arms as he falls.  It won't be easy, but, if he's your "someone" it will be worth it.  I totally lost track of my point once I started into the Star Wars so I promise to revisit the topic with a bit more focus to ties up all my dangling participles.  For now, may the force be with you, the odds ever in your favor, live large and prosper and long live Admiral Ackbar!

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Hand in Han Hand

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