Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Scaling Mount Rejection



It was a big surprise this week when an acquaintance informed me that, while on vacation, standing atop majestic Mount Rainier, faced with a stunning vista of nature, I came to his mind.  Specifically the stunning amount of rejection I have faced in my life.


In my 4th year of college, at a low point, I sat and made a list of everyone I had asked out in the 8 years previous.  Keep in mind, as none ever said yes, this was also a list of everyone who had rejected me (at least romantically) in the previous 8 years.  That number was 101.  Painfully shy me had reached far outside his safe, warm solitude 101 times only to be pushed back in each time.


And when I did start getting acceptances, my first not coming until I was 27, I discovered whole new levels of rejection, fewer now but far more traumatic.  And then more, and then more again. 

 
 
And rejection of the non-romantic variety as well, the bitter cruelty of false friends, partial acceptance, tolerance.  And for so long I let this exist in my life, embraced these people, gave them every benefit of every doubt, trusted them, waited for them to figure out I might be someone of value, someone worth more than what they were offering.  That waiting is at an end.
 
 
 
It is no longer good enough for me to be tolerated, strung along, used, treated as an afterthought, judged.  I will have none of it.  I only want people who love me as I am, who understand what wonderful things I have to offer, understand I am a sweet, goofy, harmless, awkward, empathetic, loving, kind, funny, bottomless well of friendship and peace.
 
 
 These, and only these, are the people I want in my life.  And, as an introvert, trying to find them is so difficult.  But it feels so necessary to me.
 
 
So, when I write my little blog endings about how much I appreciate you visiting, reading and commenting please know I do not write that to be polite or to fill space.  I write it because of the warm, wonderful acceptance I have found from so many of you.  It really encourages me to be more myself, to let that person out for others to see, to be bold and brave and say what is in my heart, things I would have been far too afraid to say in the past.
 
 
So, yeah, thank you so much to all of you.  Being myself has been very amazing and exciting.  It has led to more rejection too, and that still hurts, but the positive has far outweighed the pain.  I hope that you can understand how much of a beautiful impact your words have had.  The more I feel comfortable being myself with each of you, I promise the more free I will feel expressing that.  But for now, big hugs will have to do :)
 
 




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14 comments

Tulis comments
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October 2, 2013 at 10:44 PM

Tons o NHL...Peebs. Love the BOSTON terrier btw!

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October 4, 2013 at 2:59 AM

Nice pictures!! TODAY IN MY BLOG, SAUSE SUPER DRAW! GET A DISCOUNT VOUCHER FOR THE PIACE THAT YOU LIKE MOST IN THEIR WEBSITE! a big kiss and a lot of luck! http://adribohocloset.blogs.elle.es

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October 4, 2013 at 4:05 AM


This is such a lovely post. I'm one of those people are scared of rejection, ever now and then I'll fight it and just take the leap regardless of the worry and I can safely say I wouldn't be married today if I hadn't thrown caution to the wind and just gone with it.

Feeling a little inspired by this post, now following your blog :) Looking forward to hearing more,

http://mrschrissyanne.blogspot.co.uk/

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October 4, 2013 at 10:52 AM

All breeds are welcome here. I even like their beans :)

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October 4, 2013 at 10:56 AM

Thank you for stopping by. Your blog is very cool. Glad I got to see it :)

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October 4, 2013 at 11:01 AM

What a sweet comment and cheers to you for being brave and snagging Mr. Right :) Risk, I have found, is always worth it. Even the bad experiences have taught me alot I find quite valuable now. Thanks so much for stopping by :)

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October 4, 2013 at 3:52 PM

Lovely post Rick, a little sad though. I hate people who are not tolerant of other people but you are so right, you have to accept yourself and people who are worth knowing will accept you the way you are. If they don't, they're really NOT worth knowing. I think you're very sweet and kind.
xoxoxo

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October 6, 2013 at 3:25 AM

great reminder to never give up, thanks Rick :)

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October 6, 2013 at 4:08 AM

really nice blog
would you like to follow each other?

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Jo
October 6, 2013 at 11:05 AM

The blogging world is really one filled with warmth. Of coz there are the cattiness and bitchiness and hypocrisy around in some community but overall, I really enjoy myself being in this realm and I can see that it's the same for you!

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October 6, 2013 at 9:58 PM

Thank you so much, dear. That means SO much to me that you would say that. It is words like that which keep me from getting discouraged in my attempts to be more outgoing and more me. You do so much to help with that. Just a wonderful, amazing, gorgeous lady :)

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October 6, 2013 at 9:58 PM

Of course, darling. Trust me, I will never let you get near that :)

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October 6, 2013 at 9:59 PM

Indeed! I really feel safe enough to open up some here. It has been wonderful. But it is only possible with sweet and kind people like you so thanks :)

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October 6, 2013 at 10:02 PM

Thanks so much, dear. Yes, your blog is wonderful and I am a follower for sure :)

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It would be so lovely to hear from you. I promise to respond either here or on your blog.